My time at YU has gone by so quickly, it’s hard to believe that it’s already over. I apologize for the disorganization of this piece, but considering some of the classes I’ve had here, I’d say it’s rather apropos.
I came to YU in the fall of 2008. Believe it or not, coming to YU was my first time ever being in New York. I know to many in-towners reading this, never having been to New York is equivalent to not using oxygen to breathe, but it’s true.
I remember being amazed by these foreign creatures I was not familiar with, creatures that completely blocked your path on the sidewalk, acting as if you weren’t there. I’m not just talking about the French kids… I’m talking about New York pigeons, which have a certain level of chutzpah or audacity that pigeons around the world just don’t have.
I remember one of my first questions about YU was why anybody would want to live in a dorm building called “morgue.”
During orientation, I looked at my class schedule and saw a class called, “Intro to Bible.” I remember thinking, I’m a fan of Tanach; this should be an interesting class. It wasn’t. And it certainly wasn’t Tanach. I’m not really sure what it was or what the purpose of it was. But one thing was certain: I was not majoring in Bible.
Slowly, I realized that one of the major goals of every YU student is: to try to obtain as much free food as possible. No matter how full or stuffed you may be, if there’s free food being given out, students will be there.
Personally, I even get upset when I hear about the opportunity of free food retroactively. My friend told me the other day, “Eli, did you hear they were giving out chicken wings last night?” “Shoooooot!” You could honestly send out a Y-stud supporting Yasser Arafat, but if you tell people there will be free food and that girls will be there, you are guaranteed to have 1000 people there.
There are days in YU when it’s just too hard to get out of bed… most days. But there is one day when all of YU is brimming with positivity: Yom Ha’atzmaut. It’s a day without classes, a day of free food, a day where girls come in droves to the Wilf campus, and the first two reasons don’t really matter in light of the third.
I have been present for some major changes on the Wilf campus in my time, some of which include:
-The construction of the Glueck center and Heights Lounge, which heavily increased Torah learning as well as potential chilling
-The Academic Advising office got blue Dum-Dums
-The “Shoe Store” closed down for some odd reason
-Morg Mart dropped from $7.50 to 7 dollars, and got much less colorful and annoying with their myriad of Y-Studs
-Dougie Doug’s became a new entity known as Chop-Chop
What I’ve learned and thought about over the course of my time here:
-Best Y-Stud- The one that told us because of the slippery ice, we might want to walk like a penguin in order so that we don’t fall on it. And yes, there was a picture of a penguin, in case some of us forgot what a penguin looked like.
-Best Free Food Moment- I came to Furst 501 after a TLN program (some learning thing). Let’s just say the best YU couple is Carlos and Gabby.
-You should figure out what you should take while you’re still in Israel- The YU Israel program has representatives come to your yeshiva or seminary to basically confuse you. You’re handed a million sheets of paper with words like “requirements,” “core,” and “humanities” written all over them. You have no clue what they mean, nor which teachers you should avoid taking. Some teachers are amazing, and some will give you a “B” because you wore a blue shirt one day. Having a good first semester can shape the rest of your YU experience.
-Someone will always be asking for a ride to the 5 towns-It seems like every night, someone just bursts out, “Anyone going to the 5 towns?” Not really sure where the 5 towns is in relation to Washington Heights by car. I just know that you take the LIRR to get there.
-The registrar will be better at Minesweeper than the best computer nerds in the world- Some services at YU may need a bit of tweaking.
-Never eat Golan past 2 a.m.-As How I Met Your Mother taught us, nothing good happens after 2 a.m., especially when it comes to greasy shwarma. Just wait until breakfast. Trust me.
-In-Towners, open invitations are meaningless-This may touch too close to home, but out-of-towners don’t go home that often, so not sure what that’s like. There is a whole forty percent student population that don’t live in New York or New Jersey. Ever wonder what they do for Shabbos? Didn’t think so. Yes, YU has meals and davening and a Shabbos program going on. But it’s nice to go to a house once in a while, if not to just sleep somewhere else that’s not your dorm room. Now many people have told me that they extend open invitations to in-towners. Some of the offers are truly sincere, and some are done to fulfill the obligation of extending an invitation. I assure you that it does not make it feel any less like mooching if WE HAVE TO ASK YOU if we can come for Shabbos. Please if you have the means, we’d love a home cooked meal once in a while.
-Utilize the pool, gym, and workout room- I am currently one of the only 8 people on campus who uses the pool. What good is having this advantage over Stern if guys aren’t going to use it. I do not play basketball in the YU gym because I’m amazing at it and I don’t want to embarrass everyone else.
-Get involved in activities and have some unique experiences-I didn’t realize how much I have accomplished and done until I started making a list of it all. So here’s a list of some of the things that I have done on my fake-Bucket list (thanks to Schwab for the idea). Some are more exciting than others:
-Worked at the Seforim Sale (for solely seforim purposes)
-Started a YU newspaper (TheQuipster.org)- which satirizes day-to-day shenanigans that go on around here
-Developed New Marketing Technique- If you ever want to get people to read something, post it over a urinal.
-Written for the YU Commentator (not just the Purim issue)
-Took a foreign language other than Hebrew-Donde es la biblioteca?
-Had my own radio show- Yes, YU has a radio station.
-Been to the YU Museum- Yes, YU has a museum.
-Taken a book out from the library- Legally, not with the annoying siren going off that tells the security guards people are stealing books.
-Went to the Writing Center not just for free food- I actually got a lot of help from them fixing papers. It’s free, people.
-Got asked by security for my ID while walking OUT of a building- True story. Enough said.
-Lost my ID in a cab- That cab driver was awesome. Not at driving, but at returning my ID.
-Gone to Stern for Shabbos- If this were a secular university, that wouldn’t be a big deal. But since it’s YU apparently it is.
-Performed Standup Comedy at YU- No biggy.
-Sent a Y-Stud- Seeing as these emails are disregarded more than traveling in the NBA, this one’s not that impressive.
-Asked Dean Sugarman For a Favor- It’s a rite of passage to ask the go-to guy when you need something done.
-Talked to President Joel- And it wasn’t even at a Town Hall Meeting.
-Learned in Every Single Beis Midrash- This one comes as a surprise to me as well
-Made a Siyum in YU- Finished Maseches Makkos, which is super interesting also
-Worked for the YU Phone-athon- Making solicitations to alumni to donate money is super fun. Can’t wait to be on the receiving end.
Here are some things that still remain on my bucket list:
-Lived in IHP- I was too comfortable with the dorms to leave. Oh well.
-Worked as an RA- I probably should have done this one since I stay in YU for shabbos a lot anyway. Plus, I’m really good at posting pictures of myself and other random signs.
-Worked in Productions- The 4-digit code for our packages actually is a great innovation
-Acted in a YCDS Play- If rehearsal wasn’t every night for like 6 years, I would have done it for sure.
-Played for a Sports Team- Granted most of me wanted to be on the team for all the free stuff, but another part of me just wanted to play collegiate volleyball or baseball. (By the way, I totally would’ve made it on both.)
Now, even though it seems like somebody who helped create a newspaper-website that almost exclusively makes fun of YU, I am willing to admit that there are many things that I got out of this school, and not just some free pairs of sweatpants and Golan. My time in YU has given me many new experiences and has helped me increase my Facebook friendship to stalker-ish numbers.
Thursday, I plan on going to my YU graduation. From what I’ve heard, these graduations makes going to the DMV sound fun. Nevertheless, I plan on going, partially as a proof to myself that I accomplished something, partially because a person doesn’t graduate college every day—unless there’s a whole Bill Murray Groundhog Day thing going on.
This year, the main speaker is NYU President John Sexton. I made a joke recently that it was YU’s last reminder to us that we should have gone to a different school. Now while that joke is hilarious for many reasons, it’s sad to realize how many YU students related to that statement. Though YU-bashing is a common pastime and fun hobby for many, there are still plenty of positive aspects about the place that are sometimes hard to see through the lazy fog that encapsulates the registrar.
Finishing YU is a bittersweet experience. Half of me is ecstatic about being done with the burden of college, and ready to face the excitement that is unemployment. Another part of me though knows that I’ll miss an atmosphere where people say, ‘Thank you for making me laugh while I was peeing.”
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